Filia's Story
Dear Filia,
Is it possible that your first birthday is here? It has been a busy and exciting first year with you, and I am just now finding some time to compile these special memories from the months surrounding your birth.
When I look at the family picture taken last fall, I see a brand new baby in soft purple sleepers, snuggling peacefully in my arms. Now you are a fun-filled, noisy girl who loves to chase your brothers on all fours with your blonde ponytail and adorable front teeth. It seems as though you’ve never stopped smiling! What joy you have brought to our family.
Just one year ago, I was in my final month of pregnancy that seemed to never end… I felt your kicks through the nights and wondered who you would be and how you would fit into our home with four young siblings. As you grew inside of me, your sister and brothers often talked to you and lined up to kiss you goodnight on top of my great big belly – a practice that little Tert continued out of habit, even after you were born. They laughed at your powerful kicks and guessed who you would look like and how you would act.
I’ll never forget the day when we found out that you were a baby girl. I went to my ultrasound, trying to convince myself that I would be just as delighted if you were a boy, but I longed with all of my heart for you to be a girl. I desperately wanted Stella to have a sister. The appointment started out on a stressful note. I arrived nearly an hour early, yet Daddy ran into some delays at work and barely made it in time. I could tell that the technician was stalling so that he might be included and that the other employees felt badly for me lying in that dark room all by myself. The receptionist rolled her eyes and made a comment about how men just couldn’t be counted on. I wanted to tell her that she couldn’t be more wrong about your daddy. I knew that he was just as excited to see you on that screen and to hear your heartbeat as I was. Daddy made it just in the nick of time, and with baited breath we watched your tumbling and awaited the technician’s best guess as to your gender. She hesitated and checked three times, just to be sure. Then she told us with as much confidence as she could muster that we were going to have another daughter. My heart soared! I could scarcely believe that this wonderful news was for real. I must have been shaking because she apologized for how blurry the images were turning out. One glance at Daddy’s face told me that he was delighted, though much less surprised. He “knew” that you were his little daughter shortly after my test came up positive. Sipping Chai tea at Panera, we decided that we couldn’t possibly keep this news a secret. As soon as we got home, we showed the kids and Grandma your ultrasound pictures and told them that we had seen their baby sister. The boys began to bounce around in delight, but Stella took the news in silent awe. Grandma later observed that she had never seen her look so happy. Earlier that day, the kids had received an early Mother’s Day delivery (chocolate covered strawberries and bubble bath) which they were eager to present a couple of days early. With Grandma and Daddy present, we enjoyed one of the most joyful Mother’s Day celebrations I’ve ever had.
The final days of my pregnancy were very similar to those I experienced with Stella. I had a few weeks of steady contractions that kept me up at night and left me exhausted and sick during the days. I got my hopes up that you would arrive early, yet my due date came and went with no signs of your birthday drawing any closer. My pregnant belly was massive, yet I still managed to walk miles nearly every day. That exercise cleared my head, calmed my nerves and gave me strength for your delivery. Grimacing through painful contractions, I convinced myself that this consistent exercise might just nudge me closer to true labor. Days and nights passed, and I became very discouraged. The doctor was frustrated that she couldn’t just induce me since my contractions were so regular, but that was too risky since I had had a C-section with Rus.
The morning of your birthday, I woke up very early with Daddy, and the two of us enjoyed a leisurely breakfast long before sunrise. He told me that he would like to take a half day off work so he could join me for a scheduled ultrasound. I was too tired to put up a brave front anymore, and I thanked him and told him that that would be great. I remember praying and talking and laughing together before he kissed me goodbye, and my heart felt lighter than it had in so long. I ran some laundry through my aggravating contractions, reminding myself that the discomfort I was experiencing was nothing but endless false labor. I decided to be a rebel and skip my treadmill routine that morning; I was just plain too tired. The kids and I managed to get through most of our school day before lunch. It was Friday and a full week past your due date, so they asked hopefully if that might be their final day of school before the baby came. I told them that I had no idea when you were planning to come and that we should probably just study some Latin in the meantime. Stella and I sat down to work on her drills, and I could hold back my tears no longer. I choked out a few vocabulary lists before closing the book to focus on getting through my contractions. Stella sweetly tried to distract me by picking up some junk mail and reading it aloud in an engaging tone. I called Daddy to be sure that he was still coming home as planned and told him that I would probably lie down until he arrived. Half an hour later, Grandma came into my room looking very concerned and told me that she really thought that I might be in labor. I assured her that these contractions weren’t much different than the ones I had been experiencing around the clock but agreed to call the doctor. The doctor told me to skip my ultrasound and head right to the hospital to be checked.
Although my contractions were strong and regular, my progress toward labor was extremely slow. The maternity ward was packed, and the nurse was just telling me that perhaps I should think about heading home for some therapeutic sleep. My heart sank as she left triage, and Stephen I began to pray fervently that you would arrive. I stood up to attempt a slow walk through the halls and barely made it across the room before I was stopped by an intense contraction. I walked another step, and another painful contraction followed. Within a few minutes, all I could do was stand frozen. The nurse returned, looking a bit startled, and suggested that I sit down. I stubbornly refused, thinking that the only hope of keeping my labor going rested on me maintaining that standing position and enduring the pain. It soon became apparent that they needed to complete my paperwork and give me a room. By the time the doctor came in, my water had broken, and I was nearly ready to push. Clipboards began to fly, and the room was flooded with medical staff. I was in the final stages of labor, and they were scrambling to admit me and administer pain medication. I opted for an epidural and was soon feeling calm and prepared for your birth. Your delivery was the smoothest I had ever had. Because I wasn’t clinging in terror to Daddy, he was able to witness your birth (the first delivery he had watched since Aidan’s C-section). It was such a precious moment when the doctor placed your warm, soft body in my arms. Everything about you was perfectly beautiful, and I admired and snuggled you for hours afterwards. Daddy and I cuddled you and kissed you and watched in awe as you opened your eyes and clung to our fingers for the first time. After Daddy returned home to care for your brothers and sister, Grandma took his place and snuggled you in the middle of the night. I could scarcely wait for her to bring Stella, Leo, Rus and Tert in the morning! I was too excited to sleep much that night, so I snuggled you close to me and nursed and admired you for hours, praising God for the miracle of your life and for the joy that you would bring to your family. Here is what your sister, Stella, wrote about the first time she met her precious little sister…
I woke up in the morning. Dad heard me stirring and quickly opened my door. I saw him and I was disappointed. I thought Mom had been sent home and that we still were going to have to wait for you to come. Tert then got up and asked if we were going to have ice cream at the hospital yet. (That was the main reason he wanted you to come.)
“We’re going to visit Mom in the hospital as soon as we finish breakfast and do chores.”
I was so excited! I had a baby sister after years and years of waiting! I hurried and woke up Leo and Rus, then popped the cinnamon rolls into the toaster. I couldn’t finish mine. I just gulped down a couple of bites then threw my plate in the sink. I glugged down a glass of orange juice and then hurried through my chores. As soon as I had finished, Tert had to take a nap! I was so ready to go. I did my Saturday chores, peeked into Tert's room several times, and FINALLY he woke up. I put him in a nice outfit, and I got myself ready. Then after delay after delay- we FINALLY left!
When we pulled up into the parking lot, we flung open our doors. We were greeted by gusts of whipping winds. We cozied into our jackets and huddled up close together.
We walked to the door and followed the directions carefully to get to the room where you were with Mommy, enjoying the last quiet snuggles together before you met our big noisy family! Just before we walked down the hall to your room we were smiled at by a group of receptionists typing away and glad of the break to eagerly motion us on to meet our sister. It was only when we arrived in front of the door that I REALLY realized that- I had a little sister! We held our breath as we walked in the room, across the floor to Mom who held you with a glowing face. You, a tiny pink little bundle in her arms, were the answer to many prayers for a little sister, given by both me, Mom and many others. I firmly decided to hold you last, in order to ensure a longer snuggle time. We opened our gifts before holding you. I was excited to find a Green My Parents book-which I had wanted very much, but even more excited to find a pair of matching pink and primrose sweaters for the two of us! The boys were just as excited, Leo receiving a new Bible and the little boys Road Ripper cars that flew across the floor! These were your first gifts to us, but you, just the little girl who was VERY unhappy about her first bath, nursing contentedly in Mom’s arms, were the most precious gift of all! After watching the boys take you in turn in their arms and cuddling you happily (other than Tert who was a little suspicious at first and declared, “She’s nice-Mommy, can you come home and make dinner?”), we ate ice cream and then FINALLY my turn came. I took you in my arms, and as I watched your little eyes flicker open softly and look at me then I knew for sure, I had a precious little sister, and I was more happy than I had been even when Mom and Dad told us that we were going to have a little addition to the family. The boys watched a movie eagerly, but I couldn’t take my eyes off you. After reluctantly handing you over to Dad and waving goodbye to go to my soccer game, I walked out of the hospital, more happy than ever before!
You have been always the sweetest little sister anyone could have! Whether taking you and dressing you up, watching you grow and learn new things, putting your hair up in a pigtail on the top of your head, snuggling you, working on your first baby album, or just simply marveling over your beautiful smile, your deep dimples, or your precious little laugh, I have done nothing but grow closer to you! Thank you, Filia, for becoming my little Fairy Princess!
And here are some quotes from your brothers…
Tert - "When our baby comes, she'll drink Mommy's coke." (He meant milk.)
The little boys absolutely adore you, Filia! We were worried about Tert feeling displaced when you arrived. When he first met you in the hospital and saw his mom lounging on the hospital bed, he said to me with a little scowl, "She's cute. Can you come home and make dinner?" Since we brought you home, he has been ever attentive to where you are and what you might need at any given time. The only time he shows jealousy is when one of his siblings claims you as their little sister. Then he exclaims, "No, baby Filia is MY sisser!!!" He calls you his "chunky little monkey." Every now and then, when it is his turn for a cuddle, he will look me in the eye and say, "You are my mother, and I am your little son..." The kids frequently call you their “little marshmallow” because you are so sweet and squishy!
Rus is such a doting brother as well. When we brought you home, he admired every inch of your soft, newborn body. When he discovered your little feet for the first time, he called all of us over, saying, "Dad! Mom! Come look!! Filia's toes are just like little pebbles!"
One day when he was kissing you, Rus said, "Mom, I like how Filia smells. It would hurt my feelings if people said that she smells like tires."
When your due date came and went, we were concerned that you might end up sharing Rus' birthday. You cooperated and made an appearance a few days before this; however, Rus still viewed you as his most special birthday gift. After his presents, he said, "Mom, where's Filia? I want to thank her for SUCH a birthday!" He also said, "I dreamed of a baby sister, and my dream came true."
Rus said, "It's easy to have a soft heart toward Filia because she is the beauty of our home and the greatest gift!"
Leo was soothing you with some songs. Later he reported, "Filia really enjoyed 'Away in a Manger,' especially when I sang it in French!"
The other evening I was passing Stella's desk, and I noticed a baby's first year calendar lying open. Sighing, I remembered pulling this calendar out of a box of hand me downs and thinking wistfully that it would be great for me to keep up with in those spare moments when I wasn’t busy homeschooling three children, teaching at Co-Op, chasing an active toddler, washing diapers, or nursing you as a newborn. Flipping through this pesky little token of my negligence, I noticed to my surprise and delight that the calendar's pages had been filled with stickers, hospital keepsakes, dates of your baby's milestones, tender little notes and anecdotes - all recorded with painstaking care and love by Stella! I was so touched by this beautiful demonstration of Stella's devotion to her baby sister. She has become your second mother. She will carefully choose your outfits and dress you in the morning or prop you up on her bed with the rest of her dolls or snuggle you in the rocking chair while she crochets. The two of you are already inseparable friends, and the measureless love that you exchange when you grin at each other is one of the sweetest sights I've beheld.
Your big brothers also treat you with so much tenderness. I love catching Leo admiring his beautiful little sister. The two of you simultaneously break out into your most charming, dimpled grins as you reward him with your babble.
The first words you spoke were, “Bye Bye!” Any time we have visitors, you start waving and shouting exuberant goodbyes to them.
Filia, you remind me of Rus as a baby. Although your eye color is still a mystery, you have your brother's fair skin and light hair. Your baby pictures show so many similarities, and I often wonder if you will share his fun-loving, tender disposition.
Little Tert, our tornado, takes great delight in making you laugh. He has located all of your ticklish spots; however, he can usually cause you to join in his rambunctious laughter just by making silly faces and voices at you. You have adapted beautifully to this noisy, unpredictable environment of yours, and you soak up constant attention from your doting siblings. We can scarcely remember not having our Fairy Princess
