"The Silence of God"

God, You will give me the treasures of darkness, riches stored in secret places, so that I may know that You are the Lord, the God of Israel, who summons me by name. (Isa.45:3) Lord, even in this difficult place, You have treasures for me here. You want me to discover the riches of relationship with You that will set me free from this place.


I appreciate the analogy of this life being like a tapestry. We know that God is weaving something beautiful, yet from our limited view of the fabric's backside, we merely see random colors, marred by knots and frays. This has been a year marked by unusual sadness and questioning in my own spiritual journey. Enduring my second miscarriage after losing our church home and many dear friendships left me feeling disillusioned and scared. Our desires were wholesome and God-honoring, so why would He allow such losses? How could this possibly be part of God's plan to sanctify me and work "all things to my good." This past week, those unsettling questions rushed back in a torrent when I heard the tragic news that my friend gave birth to a still born baby. It just seemed like a huge mistake. Why this particular family? Why now when their hearts have so longed for this little one to ease the emptiness left by their other losses?

All I can say is that these heartaches have taken all pretense out of my prayer life. I am thankful for the Holy Spirit's intervention at times when all I can manage is a weak, "Why, God?"


I have mulled over this quote from Charles Spurgeon, savoring it and finding new significance each time I turn to it...

"Oh, dear heart, what is your condition? Are you torn with anguish? Are you sorely distressed? Are you lonely? Are you pushed aside? Then cry to God. No one else can help you. He is your only hope. Wonderful hope! Cry to Him, for He can help you. I tell you, in that cry of yours will be the pure and true worship that God desires. He desires a sincere cry far more than the slaughter of ten thousand rams or the pouring out of rivers of oil (Mic. 6:7)....See then, poor, weeping, and distracted ones, that it is not ritualism, it is not the performance of pompous ceremonies, it is not bowing and struggling, it is not using sacred words, but it is crying to God in the hour of trouble that is the most acceptable sacrifice your spirit can bring before the throne of God."

I'd like to close here with the lyrics to a song that have provoked so much healthy thought about this matter of suffering and the questions we ask. They come from Michael Card's recording "The Hidden Face of God."

The Silence of God: Words and music by Andrew Peterson

It'll drive a man crazy, it'll break a man's faith, It's enough to make him wonder if he's ever been sane.
When he's bleating for comfort, from Thy staff and Thy rod,
And the heavens' only answer is the silence of God.

It'll shake a man's timbers when he loses his heart,
When he has to remember what broke him apart;
This yoke may be easy, but this burden is not
When the crying fields are frozen by the silence of God.

But when you have to listen to the voices of the mob
Who are reeling in the throes of all the happiness they've got,
When they tell you all their troubles have been nailed up to that cross,
Then what about the times when even followers get lost?
'Cause we all get lost sometimes...

There's a statue of Jesus on a monastary knoll
In the hills of Kentucky, all quiet and cold;
He's kneeling in the garden, as silent as a stone
All his friends are sleeping and He's weeping all alone.

And the Man of all sorrows, He never fogot
What sorrow is carried by the hearts that He bought;
So when the questions dissolve into the silence of God,
The aching may remain, but the breaking does not,
The aching may remain, but the breaking does not,
In the holy, lonesome echo of the silence of God.